Samuel L. Jackson as FBI agent Neville Flynn stars in New Line Cinema’s Snakes on a Plane, ©2006.

Snakes on a Plane. The only film derived from one of the worst ideas Hollywood has ever faced. And made it the most enjoyable and entertaining film you will probably see all year. The story line is actually around twelve years and old and is accredited to the administrator at the University of Pittsburgh. The film was turned down by all thirty Hollywood studios in 1995, and then picked up by MTV, shortly after, Newline took the wheel. It would sort of be in the back of their minds for the next few years, and then screenwriter Josh Friedman (Spielberg’s War of The Worlds) posted a blog entry called “I find your lack of faith disturbing: Snakes on a Mother________ing Plane. David R. Ellis, Cellular and Final Destination 2, directs.

I have just read the blog, and now I understand why it has become the phenomenon is has. Since then anyone who has so much posted on a message board is worthy of an associate producer credit (myself guilty as charged). Snakes on a Plane wrapped photography last September, but since the grow of the hype, scene were added and reshot to bump the film up to an R rating. You’ve got to have an R rating for a film like this or else it would be a campy little overcrowded-with-teenagers Hollywood dud.

Sean Jones (Nathan Phillips) witnesses the brutal murder of a prosecutor by gangster Eddie Kim (Byron Lawson). With the gangsters hot on his tail, FBI agent Neville Flynn (Samuel L. Jackson) takes Sean into protection with his partner, John Sanders (Mark Houghton), the bad traditional bad cop persona. Sean and the agents are being flown from Honolulu to Los Angeles, where he will testify against Kim to help put him behind bars. For good (dramatic two word statement).

When they arrive on the plane, their fellow passengers include the common blonde with a small dog in purse (Rachel Blanchard), a fierce kick boxer (Terry Chen), the nasty rich guy (Gerald Plunkett), the single mother with a baby, the honeymooning couple with the sick husband suffering something, the arrogant yet germaphobic celebrity, in this case a rap star (Flex Alexander), with his body guards, brothers Big Leroy (Keith Dallas) and Troy (Kenan Thompson), and a few kind flight attendants (Julianna Margulies, Sunny Mabrey, and Burce James). What the passengers don’t know is that there is a crate of venomous snakes with a time controlled gate to open mid-flight set by Kim’s crew to bring the plane down. To make matters worse, the leis have been sprayed with pheromones, to make the snakes both horny and very, very aggressive. As Neville Flynn calls them “Snakes on Crack.” The agents contact a colleague (Bobby Cannavale) to attempt to collect a huge variety of anti-venom once the plane lands. And so the fun begins.

I actually expected this film to be sort of a parody or one of those “it’s so bad, it’s good” films (like Slither), but it’s actually just a horrible idea that was made into the best possible piece it could have been. You’ve got your action hero, Samuel L. Jackson, you’ve got your scary, yet cool, villains, and throw some light humor and a bit of sex in there and you have a movie that people are willing to go see.

The acting is obviously lead by Samuel L. Jackson, and he once again stars in a “I want to be him” action heroes. The audience was actually cheering during “I’ve have had it with these mother_____ing snakes on this mother_____ing plane!” The others are actually fairly decent, and it was my mistake to actually expect something a lot less because of what I thought the film was supposed to be. Proven quite wrong.

The film’s screenplay is written by first timer John Heffernan, and why he was picked to be the writer I have not a clue. I actually laughed out loud looking at his page on the Internet Movie Database seeing that his only previous work was developing the web site for Gameday. The writing is something we can expect from a movie like this, but with the gore enthusiastic David R. Ellis at the wheel, as well as the light humor he brought in Cellular, we’re scared every time a snake jumps out (you may even predict some, but it will still make you jump), and laugh when someone says something odd, and squirm when someone dies from a snake bite.

To the kiddies, such as one of my little brothers and sister, whose parents won’t let them see this because of the R rating, this is for you: This film was originally shot and suited to the MPAA as a PG-13 flick, and I am willing to bet that when this film is released on DVD, they could also release the original PG-13 cut, the R rated theater cut, and an unrated extended cut. The real point is though, is that as Josh Friedman puts it, Snakes on a Plane isn’t just a film, it’s a philosophy:

Somewhere in between “Cest la vie”, “Whattya gonna do?” and “Sh*t happens” falls my new zen koan “Snakes on a Plane”.

WIFE: “Honey you stepped in dog poop again. ”
ME: “Snakes on a Plane…”
DOCTOR: “Your cholesterol is 290. Perhaps you want to mix in a walk once in a while.”
ME: “Snakes on a Plane…”
WIFE: “Honey while you were on your cholesterol walk you stepped in dog poop again.”

You get the picture.

-Josh Friedman, “I find your lack of faith disturbing: Snakes on a Mother_____ing Plane”

For those of you who are still not convinced to see this movie and are reading this edition of The Press and Journal, my mom, Anne Einhorn, loved this film. There is a fair age gap (I know if I get specific I’m going to be tortured by her) between my mom and I. So, I believe it will most likely appeal to a lot of people, as different as my mom and I are from each other. And I’m sure she’s reading this now, Snakes on a Plane…

Rated R for language, a scene of sexuality and drug use, and intense sequences of terror and violence.

Running time 105 minutes.