Optimus Prime, voiced by Peter Cullen, is ready for lots of intense, mindless Michael Bay mindless action. Did I mention mindless?
© 2007 Dreamworks SKG

Michael Bay’s “Transformers” is one of the few films that has no idea what it’s doing and yet is mildly entertaining, though the non-stop action gets tedious.

Sam Witwicky [Shia LaBeouf] is your typical teenage boy who’s out to get a car to impress the ladies. Sam stumbles upon a black and yellow Chevrolet Camaro that is actually the autobot, Bubblebee [a good robot, voiced by Mark Ryan], in disguise. He reveals the robot to his crush, Mikaela Banes [Megan Fox], the daughter of a grease monkey.

The autobot chose him because he is in possession of a pair of glasses that were owned by his grandfather, who stumbled upon the frozen decepticon, Megatron [bad robot, voiced by Hugo Weaving], while exploring the Artic Circle. Megatron was chasing the primary motif in the film, the allspark, the giver of life to the transformers – basically a metal cube with some engravings. The glasses of Sam’s grandfather have the location secretly engraved in the lens.

Sam, Mikaela, and Bumblebee meet up with the rest of the autobots led by Optimus Prime [Peter Cullen], a Peterbilt truck. The group takes off in search of the allspark and has some nasty run-ins with the decepticons.

I understand that it sounds dumb, but in all truthfulness, it lives up to its own stupidity. Michael Bay is one of the few directors that I would never let have millions of dollars to make an epic film. I love epic films and I jump at almost every one I come across. “Transformers” was an epic mess.

The performances of the actors are not even worth mentioning because when you look back, the performances of the non-CGI characters will never matter to any audience.

The story is simple. I was so glad that the story wasn’t complicated, but in a way the story could have used a lot of improvement. In a nutshell, the story is a chase that ends in confrontation with a detail thrown here and there. I cannot begin to tell you how many films I have seen with a similar plot. The ending is unbelievably anticlimactic and I’m sorry to say that I think even the Transformers fans will be very disappointed.

The screenplay by Robert Orci feels fair and realistic. Occasionally a few too many crude jokes slip past the “over the top” line, but the action sequences claim most the screen time. The action sequences are very full-scale and plentiful. The problem is that each sequence is too short and one thinks: “Was that even a fight?”

The transformers themselves are seamless in their CGI creation, but the action sequences are too tightly choreographed in their cinematography that you can’t tell what’s going on. It is entirely possible the CGI renderers are just making the robots roll back and forth on the ground to make it look like they are battling. Other times, when the robots are driving in their car forms, it’s too sleek and comes off as a car commercial.

It is just like Michael Bay to stick to a simple story structure – even if its not his own – and fill in the rest of the gaps with action.
“Transformers” can at times be entertaining with its action sequences and Bay humor, however, if you are anyone besides a fan of the Transformers franchise, don’t waste your time.

Rated PG-13 for intense sequences of sci-fi action violence, brief sexual humor, and language.

Running time 144 minutes.